Oh dear god! What a long chapter! :O And I had said
shorter chapters in the last update 0:S. Eeks! Well hope you like it anyway.
And sorry that it got a bit too long, I guess I got a teeny bit carried away
:S.
This chapter was actually influenced by the song that
will be placed near the end of the chapter, “Stay” by Sara Bareilles. Do listen
to it if you haven’t already.
Khushi sat on the
edge of Arnav’s recliner, trying to think of yet another way of getting Arnav
to listen to her. A month had passed since they had gotten married and ever
since she hadn’t seen so much as a glimpse of Shyam. She had no idea where he
was and in a sense she actually wanted him back in Shantivan, at least maybe
that way she would be able to sort out this mess. And on the other hand Arnav
never seemed to be around; he’d immerse himself in work to such an extent that
he now only came home late at night. Even during the weekends he would make
sure to not be around much and it pained her, it pained her to know that he
wouldn’t even allow her that one opportunity to explain herself, it hurt to
know that their relationship held no importance in his life that he didn’t even
think her worthy of being given a chance to be heard. She found it difficult to
digest that he was able to display such raw hatred towards her.
“Khushi ji?” She
snapped out of her thoughts suddenly as Anjali entered the room, “Khushiji isn’t
Chottey home yet?” She questioned glancing around the room.
“N... No di,” she
mumbled, standing up and walking up towards her.
“Oh,” Anjali
began to think things through. She had found a whole deal out so far and her
investigations were still going strong. But she wouldn’t let anyone know, no
not yet, she would keep this quiet for now for her unborn child’s sake and
until she obtained more evidence. At least she didn’t have to see his face any
longer. But for now what was important was bringing Arnav and Khushi together,
she knew her brother thought she did not have so much as an inkling of what was
going on, but she did and that was exactly why it was important that she bring
them together, for their relationship deserved to be stronger than this.
“What happened
di? Is something wrong?” Khushi finally asked, feeling slightly uneasy at
seeing Anjali’s face that appeared to be lost in thought. What if it was some
other issue that Shyam had decided to create? Her heart beat quickened as that
thought entered her mind.
“No nothing Khushiji,”
she smiled off quickly, “it’s just there’s a party tonight and you and Arnav
both need to attend.” She reassured as relief washed over Khushi, then fear
gripped her once more. How could she refuse? Or how would Anjali di take his refusal, would Khushi be able to
take his rejection again? She felt like a battered soul as if the whole world
was on a rampage with her sodden heart, aiming arrows at it left right and
centre and he stood in the middle of it all. The man that she loved the most in
this world, would forsake anything and everything for, stood in the centre of
the army out to get her, with a large trident that he would ram through her heart,
over and over and over again. She gulped loudly, as her palms became sweaty;
such situations always left her fumbling for words.
Anjali
immediately caught onto the trepidation in Khushi, how her eyes darkened and
her face fell and if she hadn’t been such a soft person she would have surely
dragged Arnav in and slapped him senseless for what he was doing. But her
brother had never been one for such lessons, in fact then he would begin to
defy her too, see her as yet another bad guy in his carefully formed misunderstanding.
She would have to tread lightly, with the both of them and that was one of the
reasons she had planned for them to attend tonight too, maybe if they were
forced to spend time with each other, her brother would mend his ways, for she
knew he was not a bad man. No her brother had never been more than a hard
shell, refusing to let anyone in. And in this case it was quite clearly evident
that he only acted in such a manner with Khushi because of his unyielding love
for her, it had been clear in the way he had protected her in front of Lavanya,
what felt like months ago, and then how he had gotten married to her, possibly
unconsciously so that he could make sure she would never be the property of
another. Her heart bled for him, thinking of how he had never taken his own
share of happiness, how it had always been given away on a golden platter to her;
he’d simply sat back and smiled at the fact that she was happy. And now that
her relationships, her life was under threat, once again he had sacrificed
himself. Had Khushi really been in ties with Shyam and had she not also been an
innocent in this vicious game then had her brother not written over his life to
pain and destruction in the name of her happiness? Yes he had, and she knew he
would do it over and over again for no matter what the world saw, his soul was
pure, innocent and although the facade stayed on, she knew him for what he
truly was, a sincere human being with a golden heart. And the world had treaded
upon it, time and time again, but whilst he had saved her, he hadn’t been able
to save himself. But now she saw a glimpse of sunshine, a ray of hope and she
wouldn’t let that good for nothing little piece of shit take away what was
truly her little brothers, she wouldn’t let Shyam take away Arnav’s last chance
at happiness.
“Khushiji I’ll
send you up a new sari, be ready. I’ll tell Arnav to pick you up before he
goes,” Anjali said softly, taking Khushi’s hand and smiling.
****
He cursed under
his breath as he yanked the car door open then slammed it shut behind him. Not
opening the door to her side or even waiting for her for that matter. He cursed
himself for having to put up with her, for having to see her face every night
and know that she belonged in body and soul to someone else. He welcomed the
mind-numbing pain that engulfed him these days on knowing that the dreams he
had weaved, for years on end had come shattering down in that one moment, when
he had seen her in the arms of another, asking to break the life of the one
person he held most dear, the only person that was left in this lonely life of
his. He welcomed the pain because he could escape it no longer, he had sealed
his fate, with a woman that did not love him, and with a life he had written
away so many years ago. And yet every time she would do something new, attempt
to break through his walls, crumble down his resolve. He gritted his teeth in
anger, his nostrils flaring, his jaw set, his caramel orbs blazing with fury as
he heard her click the door open and slowly step out, her anklets tinkling with
every tiny movement of her feet. He refused to look at her, at the angelic
beauty that she held, clad in a red sari with tiny crystals studded on the
edges he would not be able to look away from her, he knew his heart would fall
for her yet again, so he kept his gaze away as she finally walked over and
stood next to him. He felt his temper flare through him then, possessing every
muscle of his being and he had to take deep breaths in and out, clench his
fists and let his nails dig into his skin as he struggled for control, to stop
himself from grabbing her neck right there and strangling her for playing such
vile games with his wretched heart.
He grasped her
hand in his as he led her through crowds of people, all elegantly dressed;
belonging to a world she too had belonged to years ago. She couldn’t help the
slight twinkle of happiness that passed through her as she felt her hand in
his, it happened every time and no matter what he did she still yearned for
that closeness, for what they had had all those years ago. She ached for one
night, one night like the one they had had before she had decided to leave him
forever, for priorities that were larger, to let him live his own life in
peace. Just one night and then maybe she could leave. Pack-up and just run
somewhere far away.
****
Shyam watched in
the distance, that creepy, slanted snarl adorning his face. Arnav Singh Raizada
thought he was so smart, obtaining a restraining order against him, increasing
the security so that not so much as an ant could enter Shantivan but he didn’t know
Shyam yet. Tonight he would attack again, he just needed one more hit, a
stronger one, Arnav seemed to be almost too capable of the rest. And Khushi
would leave Arnav, come back to him, realise what she had given up. And he
would be waiting, the muscles in his face twitched as he watched Arnav take the
drink that he had carefully placed on the tray.
****
But Shyam had
been so fickle, his every plan failing one by one; he hadn’t needed to spike
Arnav’s drink. Arnav had already ordered for his SUV to be picked up and a car
with a driver sent instead. Tonight in the midst of a crowd of women dressed in
elegant gowns, men in tux’s all laughing and chatting, hiding their own cursed
personal lives behind golden glasses of scotch, he too would do the same. He
placed the glass of champagne he had lifted back on the tray and grabbed a
glass of Scotch instead. He had reached his limit, he wasn’t able to take it
anymore, things were getting worse, no solutions were coming to him and her
silence, her quiet games threatened to throw him over the edge, into an abyss
of his own fury where he knew he would drown, dragging her down with him. And
the next morning when he would inevitably wake up, he would have to live
through every moment of what he had inflicted upon her, every tiny little wound
he had created and drown in his own pool of misery. He felt like a burning man,
constantly surrounded by a flaring fire, her
fire, as he burned in the pits of it. And now he finally understood what
helplessness felt like, it wasn’t what he had felt all those years ago when his
mother had killed herself, nor was it what he had felt when Khushi had first
left him, no it was what he was going through now. Every ounce of violence he
inflicted upon her, hurt him in equal amounts, maybe even in higher degrees.
Every rash word of his, cut through his own soul, gashing it in wounds that
would never heal. He could not help himself from loving her, from feeling bound
to her in some sense or the other and therefore he couldn’t dare see her go
away from him and yet having her in front of him hurt him all the more, for he
knew she would never love him back. So this was what helplessness felt like,
having the one thing you desire so close yet so far away, having her within arm’s
length and not being able to touch her tenderly, feeling his own heart beat
towards her and not feeling hers back. So there it was Arnav Singh Raizada who
had worked all these years to see his sister happy, had somewhere along the
lines lost his own happiness and now he was reduced to a mere hard shell, a
lonely, helpless hard shell.
Khushi watched in
horror as he downed one glass after another of amber liquid, his eyes slightly
glazed over, and the twitch of his muscles as he gulped the liquid down in a
flurry, his steely grip on the glass enough to shatter it apart. She pounced
forward suddenly, unable to watch him any longer, for she knew if this
continued it would not go down well and she would yet again be on the broken end
of it all. She grabbed onto his arm, her fingers grazing over his pronounced
biceps and felt him freeze. She took a small step back as his dark orbs, the
colour of rust bore into hers, anger flaring out of his every pore. She moved
away completely, knowing that look all too well as he took a step towards her
but what he did next shocked her and she felt her heart gallop through her
chest as he saw the muscles on his face loosen, his pupils lighten back to that
beautiful shade of caramel. She watched in shock, her hazel eyes wide in
confusion as he gently took her hand into his, and then began to stride away
from the crowd, towards the door, pulling her along with him.
Saturday, empty room, filled with people
It don’t mean a thing to
You and I, holding hands
Nobody knows, nobody understands
I don’t care for sunlight
That only means it’s over
And I’m in no mood for that
She watched in
silence, not quite sure what she should be feeling, following him in a sort of
trance as he led her into their room and closed the doors behind him. A shudder
ran up her body as he turned around and took a step towards her, gulping away
her fears she took a step back, retreating away from him but the next instance
her eyes widened again in shock again as he suddenly turned away from her, his
eyes distant then stalked off towards a cabinet in the far corner of his room.
She felt her body go almost weak with shock, the events of the day coming to her
in frenzy, all mixed up, incomprehensible. She let herself fall onto the bed
and bunched herself up on her side, wanting now to just fall into deep sleep
before things really took a turn for the worse.
She lay there
with her eyes closed, she must have been lying there for at least an hour now
and she spent her time doing what she did best every night, when sleep took too
long to come to her and her mind refused to travel to the boundaries of what
was happening in her life right now. She looked back on the good moments of her
life, to a time when she had felt that she could solve every problem in her
life. But then her father had fallen ill
and she had left Arnav, and possibly all of her joys behind, from then on she
had fixed herself in her carefully formed box, working only till the edges of
it, then retreating back and to this day she didn’t have a proper answer to why
she had left him, though if she pondered into it deeply it was possibly guilt.
The guilt of weaving her dreams and fantasies with Arnav when the man that had
taken an orphan in; her father had met with an accident, lost everything in his
life. It was that guilt that had kept her away, binding her to a lifetime of
debt for loosing herself to passion whilst her father had been fighting between
life and death. And that in turn had led her to the guilt she felt now, as by
trying to do so she had denied another of a love that had been offered, in
equal quantities, every ounce of it her way. His love, his promises
she had ignored and a month ago when he had held her in his arms she had known
that she had wronged him, for he had continued to love her for all those years.
But now it was no longer her fault, now it was his blind rage, his inability to
think things through that was ruining everything. She stopped herself there,
dwelling into it more would land her in that dark abyss that she constantly ran
away from once more, so she traced her mind back yet again to happier times, a
slight smile playing across her face as she remembered his gentle smile, when
the next minute she froze hearing glass shatter against wall.
She sat up
instantly, her eyes widening in surprise as her jaw dropped open, her heart
bleeding out at the sight that beheld her and for a minute she felt her heart
had stopped before she gathered herself together and hurried off of the bed.
Arnav could feel
the world swaying around him; he was drowning in his own misery, his own pain, his
own guilt. He was drunk, mind-numbingly drunk, to an extent he had only allowed
himself to go once before. He felt himself stagger, the world around him swing
out of control, everything coming through to him in blurry specks of light. He
let the images flash through him, seer through his soul because now it didn’t
hurt as much; it was like they were hitting off of a wall of foam. They came to
him one buy one as he stood near the large French doors, his Scotch still in
hand. First his mother, her kind face, her kind brown eyes as she cupped his
face in hers, promises to protect him forever, the gentle warmth of her lap and
then her body, lifeless, how he had struggled, how he had failed, how he had
been too late. Always too late damn it! And then Khushi, Khushi! Her beautiful
round face, her silken skin, her full pink lips, those large dove hazel eyes,
her tinkling laugh, her annoyed glares, how he had fallen head over heels for
her, without even knowing a reason and then how she had played him. Her in the
embrace of another man, his own brother-in-law began to replay over and over
again as his hand tightened around his glass. He’d spent so many years wishing
she would come back, would have took out his heart and laid it in front of her
if he could but she had decided to trample over it, rip it to shreds and throw
it to the ground in front of his very eyes. And yet he could not help himself
but feel that he should punish himself for every little mistake he made, for
every time he lost his control he wanted to punish himself. Why couldn’t he
hate her damn it?!
The rage overtook
him then; his every muscle began to shake, as his caramel brown eyes blazed
with uncontrollable fury. He tightened his grip around the glass and sent it
flying at the adjacent wall, watched as it shattered to pieces, the amber liquid,
spilling down the cream vanilla walls. And he let the tears finally spill down
his face, in torrents, all the tears that he had held inside for too long. He
leaned against the thick glass then and let himself slowly slide down, to the
ground, letting every wave of pain hit him and engulf him completely, letting
the full effect of the alcohol take over him as he slid to the ground. He picked up a shard of glass and clenched
his hand around it, let it pierce into his skin, hurt him as he had hurt her,
let the blood drip.
Khushi ran
towards him then, “Arnav? ARNAV?!” She screamed, “Arnav!” She shook him as he
lay there against the glass, tears streaking his face. She felt tears brim up
in her own eyes; she could bare his hatred but not this pain, not his tears.
She began to wipe at his face as he lay, his eyes too distant, “Arnav Arnav
please don’t cry. Arnav please,” she begged, her voice breaking with her own
tears as they trailed down her face. He placed his hand over hers then,
streaking her skin with his own blood and took it away from his face, sending
his fingers through hers, brought it nearer to himself as he turned to look
into her pools of hazel.
“Khushi,” he
whispered finally, his voice hoarse with tears, “Khushi, I’m so sorry,” he
mumbled, “I’m so sorry Khushi.”
“No Arnav,
please, please it’s okay, shhh, shhh,” she hushed him as she frantically wiped
away at the tears that continued to flow down his face.
“Khushi,” he
gulped, not breaking eye contact, “please bring me out of my misery Khushi,
please stop this pain,” he begged, pulling her closer towards him, his hot
breath, drenched in a stench of alcohol, on her face, “please make me stop
loving you Khushi,” he whispered and she felt her heart almost give way. She
stared back at him for a few seconds, not quite able to comprehend what he was
trying to say. He still loved her, despite all of his misunderstandings and all
the hurt he sent her way, he still loved her? She stilled suddenly as he came
closer, his face only inches away from hers and she instinctively moved back,
scared that he would lash out and hurt her and as he continued to move closer,
she scrunched her eyes shut, waiting for the pain, but nothing of the sort
happened and shock overtook her being once more as his arms moved around her
waist, huddling her closer to him. She felt herself being drawn to his warmth, finally
back to his protection as he snuggled his head into the crook of her neck, his
warm breath against her skin, the shuddering of his body against hers making
her heart almost break as tears racked through him and her with equal force.
“I love you too
Arnav, please just stop this. Just stop this please,” she whispered into his
hair as she hugged him closer to herself.
Stay tonight
Don’t come morning, don’t come light
They may be lies, say it, say that we’ll be
alright
If we stay tonight
My hands are shaking
This is a complicated love with me
Keep your eyes closed, I’ve seen it baby
I’ve seen where this goes.
He moved her back
then gently, letting his hands slide down her arms, then moving them up ran his
fingers through her hair, his eyes lighter, gentle, pools of melted chocolate,
glazed over as he moved her closer, till their lips were almost touching,
letting them linger on what felt like soft petals then took them in completely.
Khushi felt herself let go of everything, choosing only to revel in the moment
that had appeared, almost out of nowhere, where his lips were now moving
against hers, his fingers rustling through her hair, as those fingers that up
till now she had winced away from, now gently trailed through waves of her
hair, and she felt her own hands move up his arms of their own accord as she
moved in closer to him, letting his tongue slip in, tasting what felt like the
man she had actually fallen in love with, letting herself go.
Her heart beats
raced upwards as their tongues met, clashing against each other, a tiny moan
escaped her as his hand moved down her back, his fingers burning against her
skin as they fumbled against the thread of her blouse. It was like little
currents were flowing through her at his every touch. She gasped as he pulled
at the top string and then the bottom, his hands running over the exposed skin
of her back and then on to her shoulder, pushing the pallu off. She leaned back
then, letting him trail kisses down her throat, his lips fervent against her
skin. She let her fingers run through waves of his soft hair as he sent kisses
down her neck, then lower until he reached the top of her blouse and his
fingers moved over her soft skin, sending flutters through her as he pulled it
off, his fingers tracing a line down her arms.
Stay tonight
Don’t come morning, don’t come light
They may be lies, but say that we’ll be
alright
If we stay tonight
She let his
ravenous lips travel all over her skin, re-establishing the right that she had
only given once before and that too only to him. She clung onto him, her head
pressed against his hair as he stood her up, his hands moving down to her
waist, to her tucked in pleats, sending sparks through her veins as she clung
closer yet again, his tender lips still on her skin. She let her fingers dig
into the hard blades of his shoulders as he slowly removed her pleats, his
fingers grazing against her skin, soft moans escaping her almost unknowingly. Her
breath hitched in her throat as her heart started beating at a rate that even
she hadn’t thought possible as her petticoat dropped to the ground and he
undressed her completely. Her nails dug deeper into his flesh, as his hands
roved over silky skin, exploring every inch of her as he lowered her onto the
bed, her body sinking in and she felt senseless with ecstasy.
Arnav didn’t know
what he was doing, why he was doing it, all he knew was that tonight he had
given up to his senses, his body, he was giving into her. He was giving into
what felt right, his intoxication taking over his every sense as he lost
himself in her warmth, her fragrance, the love that she was offering, even if
it wasn’t true because if he didn’t he knew he would break down sooner rather
than later, so he gave in. He held onto
her hips, entering her slowly then began to rock her to his own rhythm, her
soft moans like music to his ears and let it numb his pain.
A slow drizzle
started outside then, falling at first in little drops, then splattering to the
ground in all its glory, drenching leaves and trees in its gait and it poured
down deafeningly as the slight slivers of the glowing moon up ahead bathed
their intertwined bodies in its light.
Gonna feel it baby
Oh I don’t wanna cry
I know we’ll get to tomorrow and say goodbye
That’s what I’m asking for
Tonight
Stay tonight
Don’t come morning, don’t come light
They may be lies but say that we’ll be
alright
Say that we’re gonna be alright
Tonight
And that’s it ;). Tiihihi :P.
The next chapter is the last chapter of the prequel.
After that it will return to the present; to two years later. So I think you
all know what will happen in the next chapter. But exactly how it will happen,
wait and find out ;).
